I came to the end of this chapter and literally sat there dumbfounded because I thought that was the end. But it's not AND I AM SO HAPPY.
But also sad. Because omg, poor Sam! The interludes are my favorite parts because we would get another piece of the story, but my heart literally breaks each time. Sam. This makes me want Cas to keep making Dean feel bad because he really deserves it, but then I think about how he's lost all his memory and about the old Dean who really loved Sam, and this new conflicted Dean still cares for his Sam even when he can't even remember who he is. I'm so conflicted towards Dean right now, and it's all your fault! haha
Also, your Cas is such a wonderful character, and I feel for him. He was so devoted to Dean before (in Canon) and your story shifts that loyalty and protectiveness to Sam, which makes me love you beyond comprehension. I'm tired of all the Dean/Cas stuff in canon and in fandom, and it's so refreshing to see Cas and Sam like this, even though the circumstances are so dire. Reading about how Cas keeps having to watch Sam die and come back a little more broken each time is so painful, and how he had to kill Sam in order to protect him. It hurts, but it hurts so good. ;_;
And Sam. Oh God, if Dean had said yes in the show, I can see Sam doing everything Your Sam does. The devotion and faith he has in Dean, in my opinion, sometimes exceeds Dean's faith in Sam. Dean loves Sam, yes, fiercely no doubt, but I think Dean doesn't give Sam's love enough credit. But that's just how Dean's twisted mind works, I suppose.
This last chapter, it was the hardest one to read. Dean really did rape Sam and Sam just took it. It made him stop seeking out Michael, but he never stopped trying to get Dean back. I cried a little reading this part because of all the nasty things Dean said, picturing Sam's face and imagining what he felt. That must have broken him more than anything Lucifer, Michael, or any other demons and angels could ever do to him.
Also, the part about Sam and Cas living in that camp and what happened there--Sam's withdrawal and using his powers to protect them while destroying his humanity, the guy shooting Sam because he kept screaming, and Cas waiting for Sam to come back. When Sam apologizes in your story, it makes me want to kill everyone and everything that's hurt him. Just glad that Cas was there for him when the person Sam needed most wasn't. Ahem /glares at Dean.
God I wrote like a freaking essay, but I'll just consider it an ode to you and your amazing story. I never really read gen, but I love your writing so I had to read this, and of course, am not disappointed at all. I really hope you update soon, and continue writing for the sake of writing because you are wonderful at it. Talent like yours should be shared with the rest of us ♥ Thank you for this, and can't wait for more!
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2011-09-03 06:36 am (UTC)I came to the end of this chapter and literally sat there dumbfounded because I thought that was the end. But it's not AND I AM SO HAPPY.
But also sad. Because omg, poor Sam! The interludes are my favorite parts because we would get another piece of the story, but my heart literally breaks each time. Sam. This makes me want Cas to keep making Dean feel bad because he really deserves it, but then I think about how he's lost all his memory and about the old Dean who really loved Sam, and this new conflicted Dean still cares for his Sam even when he can't even remember who he is. I'm so conflicted towards Dean right now, and it's all your fault! haha
Also, your Cas is such a wonderful character, and I feel for him. He was so devoted to Dean before (in Canon) and your story shifts that loyalty and protectiveness to Sam, which makes me love you beyond comprehension. I'm tired of all the Dean/Cas stuff in canon and in fandom, and it's so refreshing to see Cas and Sam like this, even though the circumstances are so dire. Reading about how Cas keeps having to watch Sam die and come back a little more broken each time is so painful, and how he had to kill Sam in order to protect him. It hurts, but it hurts so good. ;_;
And Sam. Oh God, if Dean had said yes in the show, I can see Sam doing everything Your Sam does. The devotion and faith he has in Dean, in my opinion, sometimes exceeds Dean's faith in Sam. Dean loves Sam, yes, fiercely no doubt, but I think Dean doesn't give Sam's love enough credit. But that's just how Dean's twisted mind works, I suppose.
This last chapter, it was the hardest one to read. Dean really did rape Sam and Sam just took it. It made him stop seeking out Michael, but he never stopped trying to get Dean back. I cried a little reading this part because of all the nasty things Dean said, picturing Sam's face and imagining what he felt. That must have broken him more than anything Lucifer, Michael, or any other demons and angels could ever do to him.
Also, the part about Sam and Cas living in that camp and what happened there--Sam's withdrawal and using his powers to protect them while destroying his humanity, the guy shooting Sam because he kept screaming, and Cas waiting for Sam to come back. When Sam apologizes in your story, it makes me want to kill everyone and everything that's hurt him. Just glad that Cas was there for him when the person Sam needed most wasn't. Ahem /glares at Dean.
God I wrote like a freaking essay, but I'll just consider it an ode to you and your amazing story. I never really read gen, but I love your writing so I had to read this, and of course, am not disappointed at all. I really hope you update soon, and continue writing for the sake of writing because you are wonderful at it. Talent like yours should be shared with the rest of us ♥ Thank you for this, and can't wait for more!